- albertkirkjunior
Auntie Ma Erse
Albert Kirk Jr
A lass fae Auchtermuchty
Cuid cleck a cuir for cancer
Or seek the pairt o Noah's Airk
An come up wi the answer;
An lads fae Ecclefechan
Cuid find the Holy Grail
Or flee abune tae Maurs an back
An leeve tae tell the tale;
A quine fae Ballachulish
Cuid rescue eichty weans
Fae sair ill-hertit pirates
An bring them hame agane;
An chiels fae Auchenshuggle
Cuid gang tae Palestine
An gar a saucht wi Israel
Tae mak them hale an fine.
Ye'd want tae hear thir stories
Fae oot Pacific Quay,
But no a wird ye'd get fae thaim,
The sleekit BBC:
They urnae intae giein us
The wittins o the warld
In weys that shaw wur kintra
In the mids o ilka birl;
They troke wi sklentie patter
Tae dae auld Scotland doon
An cry us puir an stupit wi
Thir copy fit for loons:
A duchess got a herrcut?
A chanter got his hole?
An actor played a fitba match
An cuidnae score a goal?
Yer grannie broke her wallies?
Yer mammy cannae knit?
Yer daddy cannae go tae bed
Wioot a dummy tit?
Thon's the kind o blethers that
Wur Auntie gies the Jocks
For fear we stert tae think wursels
A fowk they cannae knock;
The bastarts tak wur siller quick;
They tak the pish an aw;
The day we steek thir leein mooth
Is siccar tae be braw.