Checked Mate

Albert Kirk Jr 

At schuil A mind A wis taucht aboot chess.

Ye ken the score: ye get a wheen o pawns,

Twa alphines, a cutla knichts an tours, 

A king an (the best o the set) a queen.

Pawns dae bugger aw, gey near, trauchlin

Forrit lik grannies wi fushionless herts;

Knichts, they gang twa aheid an yin aside,

Lik the frawart, gowkit cuddies they ur;

Alphines ur sleekit, thaim bein kirkie,

Luikin lik wallopers, flittin agley;

Tours'll gang onwart as faur as they list

An wad, A jalouse, begowk ye for fun;

An king's ur a richt sair twang in the erse,

Crankie an notionate, haudin ye back. 

Queenies can gang awmaist onywhaur but,

Ower the chacker aw hither an yon;

Pouer is throu ilka bit o the piece 

An cannae be bate gin gleg wi yer heid.

Thon A wis taucht, tho telt this an aw,

Straicht fae the mooth o the maister anent:

Dinnae bi thinkin yer gettin a queen,

See'n as yer daurin tae ettle for scowth;

Sattle for knichts an alphines an pawns

An lea' aw mintin tae thaim wi the docht.