Smeekit

(wi a toaty wee nod tae Hamnavoe Market)

Albert Kirk Jr 

Henderson's een wur lik terrier's baws:

aye tans the whisky lik watter him.

Archibald cam wi his last pair o tens:

blew ilka penny on puggies an fags.

McIntyre's siller wis hidlins an feart:

erse as ticht as a drum that yin.

Cunningham boaked on the boozer flair:

bouncers oxtert him ontae the street.

Boag gied his patter tae dizzens o quines:

chips an hame for the Boagster.

Morrison boostit an fell aff a bus:

buggert a shank an a shackle-bane.

Watson wis plunged bi a wank wi a chib:

lad his a mooth lik a ruction magnet.

Murray the gomerel shat hissel sairly:

flytit wi farts an lost.

Me? A kept masel tae masel:

Aw that A want is for fowk tae hiv fun.